Pope Francis Now Requiring "Booster Baptisms" for Catholics to Be Considered Fully Baptized

Pope Francis has proclaimed that all Catholics worldwide will now need a booster baptism to be considered fully baptized.

"We have seen that being baptized doesn't offer the universal washing away of original sin that we thought it did," Pope Francis said in a press conference. "Therefore, we will now require a booster baptism once, maybe twice a year to make sure everyone is protected."

As of the time of publishing, there are no fully baptized Catholics on the planet.

The booster baptisms will be administered in churches or participating Pauline bookstores.

Expert theologians are mixed on the topic.

"Right now, the definition for ‘fully baptized’ is having received one baptism by a priest, and … we don’t anticipate a - it doesn't make sense to require a booster,” Fr. Tommy Aquino said. “We're using those definitions and we're asking people to come to go and get their booster baptism if they're eligible to improve or increase that level of protection that you get from the baptism."

But Church officials say the booster baptism is now doctrine.

"You can't disobey this and still call yourself a Catholic", Pope Francis spokesman Lou Sypher said.

source: genesiustimes.com (text may contain traces of satire.)

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